its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
