Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
