sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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