He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
