I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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