am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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