If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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