dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's just like the Real World with babies
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
