It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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