My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize