I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
