The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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