some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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