so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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