she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
