Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i think i just lost a toe
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
