I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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