Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
