his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
