how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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