Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
