You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
