I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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