I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Boobs speak an international language.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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