Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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