i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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