Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
