I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
