Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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