You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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