What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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