UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
