K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
