A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
