I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
