So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love accidental penises.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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