Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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