Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
