he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
