No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
