Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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