Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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