omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
