Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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