im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
