your thong is hanging out like whoa
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
