The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
