the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
