Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
