Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
