Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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