"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
