Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
