She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There r osticjed everywhere
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
