All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
