so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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