the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Boobs speak an international language.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize