And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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