K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
