I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
