Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
