my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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