She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ruined the universe
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
