I have demons in me.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize