Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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