i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
