Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
