Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
