Fine. I'll sleep in my office
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As shirtless as possible
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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