somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
