I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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