pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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