i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
