So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
