I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize