so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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