did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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