There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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