when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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