I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
