we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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