she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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