Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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