is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
