Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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