im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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