Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im holly from the hills drunk
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
