How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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