Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
