Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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