Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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